I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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