i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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