I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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