But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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