Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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