Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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