I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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