he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
