At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
