I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
