there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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