i just wanna soil my oats bro
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
