I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
