bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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