from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
