she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
