i just wanna soil my oats bro
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
