Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I cannot find my penis.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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