Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
