Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
did you just send me my own nude
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
