just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize