Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
