you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize