Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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