you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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