OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
