New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
