Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize