Where did you get a picture of my penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
