Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
