I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
