remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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