so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
