So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
