Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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