I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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