just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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