I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
