I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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