I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
