If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
