How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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