you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
