Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
