If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
