he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
