If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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