worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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