Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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