What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
