Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So much Jack, so little girl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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