I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
