it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
