I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
