Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
