There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
