This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
