so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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