She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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