i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
