I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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