He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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