its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
