I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
