Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize