I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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