I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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