i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
