I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
