It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
