I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
