As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
