Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
