Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need a burrito and a hug.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
