Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize