those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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