you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Operation Purity has been aborted
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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