he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
