I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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