too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
