I'm lost and stupid without you.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
