I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
