It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
