I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
