i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize