I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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