K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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