She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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