i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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