Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you traded sex for a burrito?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
