you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
