i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
