U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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