please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
