When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
