I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
