The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude i'm inner monologue high
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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