There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
