Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
