just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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