I want to make a zoo with you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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