Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
