You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
